The Beginning

On Monday, October 7, 2002 at 5:33PM, my long time friend and family doctor, Dr. Aaron Polk, told me I had a brain tumor. I credit Dr. Polk with saving my life as he saw my minor symptoms (weakness on my left side) and immediately ordered an MRI. Dr.Polk pushed, pulled in favors and got my MRI going within an hour of my office visit.

I went into shock and had to be placed on a hospital gurney. I was wheeled to an area where my wife and several of my close friends were waiting. What happened next still amazes me. My friend and my savior, Jesus Christ, picked me up and carried me. Through HIS grace all my fears were gone and I was simply determined to move forward with treatment. HIS grace and love carried me through my surgery, through ICU, through acute care. I was never anxious or afraid. I am not a brave man, I should have been terrified; yet I was not. Jesus continues to carry me everyday as HE loves me and takes care of me.

After surgery, I was completely paralyzed on my left side - arm, leg, shoulder, everything on the left. Within three weeks I was out of the wheel chair and walking on a hemi-walker and then a cane. Shortly thereafter I no longer need the cane. I started radiation therapy in a wheel chair. I walked into the hospital for my last radiation treatment. Doctors and friends were amazed. My quick status change can be contributed to:

1. The grace and love of Jesus Christ.
2. My wife, Audrey, who never left my side and continues to support me and love me; even     when she is really tired.
3. My new brother, Lewie, who saw to it I had everything I needed at home including     a hospital bed, cushion for my wheel chair, and much more.
4. The love and encouragement of my sister, Margaret.
5. The unbelievable outpour of love and support from all my friends. There are too many to     enumerate. And each day the list grows longer as old friends living far away surface as     they hear the news.
6. A fighting positive attitude. (acquire the tape set "Love, Medicine, and Miracles" by     Bernie S. Siegel, M.D.).
7. My great OT / PT therapists.

I am truly a blessed man.

If I were to make a list of the good and bad things that have resulted from my life threatening illness, the good side would dwarf the bad side. I am writing a book to record my journey. I have dozens of stories and observations to share. If you are interested in hearing some of them call me (936.560.5351).

I am not 100% back on my left side, but I can walk and use my left hand /arm. I am about 65% back, movement wise. Nothing else was effected, speech, cognative abilities, memory, etc. remain as they were.

The journey continues and I learn something new everyday.

I have a new symptom, mostly at night, where I itch all over. Last night a little Xanax solved the problem. I think the cause is too much dilatin or taking calcium with dilatin, I just started taking calcium the last few days as recommended by the physical rehab MD.

My right hand has started trembling now a bit as well; another possible side effect of dilatin. Dilatin keeps me from having seizures, so I must take it. The only options may be to just deal with the side effects or switch to a new drug with new side effects, especially since I recently had a seizure.

Today I can barely walk around my house. In the last few days, I have fallen twice because I drag my left leg most of the time. The falls were simple falls and easily managed. Audrey has not confined me to a wheelchair because she realizes my mental health is best served by allowing me to at least try to get around. I am going very slowly, being aware of each movement. I do have several types of canes. They generally confuse me as I navigate around tight places. I seem to do better without walking devices. I also do not attempt to get around when no one is home. I also do not try to walk if I know I am more fatigued or weaker than usual. As I arrive safely at a destination, bathroom, bed, living room chair, kitchen, computer desk I thank Jesus for being with me and helping me get there. You see, it is only courtesy to thank Jesus. For after all, he is standing right there beside me and has walked with me as I struggled to walk. When I was 2 years old I fell as well, but that didn’t stop me from trying to walk. I got up each time to try again. At 2, I continued to take on the challenge of walking and the challenge of life. Now that I am 50, I fall again sometimes. I will continue trying to walk and I will continue taking on the challenge of life.

On the good news side, I have no measurable pain and I try to remain happy and content. I usually make it. I have stopped watching the war completely, which has helped with the getting and holding onto the happy and content thing. I am very blessed to have treatment options. A point brought to light by my good friend Wayne, who has lupus and no treatment options. I look forward to next week and a new set of treatment options from the best cancer doctors and surgeons in the world. I have seen to it that each one is not only my doctor but my friend as well.

1) Surgery - removes the dead tissue and some new tissue in the path of the RIN, sort of like a fire break. Removing the new tissue in the path of the RIN could result in all kinds of undesirables, including permanent paralysis.

2) Use anticoagulation with heparin or coumadin. This however could cause me to hemmorage and die if I fall just right.

3) HBO2 - forced oxygen under pressure. There are no clear indications this would help, but it should not hurt. There is a clinical study at Duke University where HBO2 is used to treat RIN. Even though it may be expensive, I may not be able to get into the study. The expense part is not the immediate barrier. Insurance may pay some of the cost, I don’t know. I could tap my retirement, sell my house. Even the concept of being an indentured servant comes to mind as I still have my skill set to bargain with. It just depends on how much my life is actually worth and the risk involved. Funny how money is always the least common denominator with cost vs benefit being the guiding principle. As an alternative there are HBO2 chambers everywhere, even in Nacogdoches. The problem is without some doc knowledgeable in the protocol, I could have seizures while in the chamber. The seizures could be controlled by adjusting O2, pressure, time in the chamber, anti-seizure medicine, etc. AND then there is an issue with finding an HBO2 doc that would even allow me to take HBO2 in their facility, given I have a brain tumor. Audrey and Lewie have feverishly researched HBO2. They have much info and and examples of success stories. Even this comment has been unearthed: At present, it appears that HBO2 is the only treatment potentially capable of reversing brain RIN. This implies not only stopping RIN, but also repairing the damage done.

My current treatment protocol plan is:

1) Continue with chemo that seems to have tumor growth in check, based on PET scan results (*- see below).

2) Talk my doc into the giving me anticoagulation with heparin or coumadin by promising not to fall and kill myself.

3) Try to get into a local HBO2 Chamber if my MD Anderson docs will agree to let me try it.

4) At least check into availability and the cost of the Duke HBO2 clinical study.

(*) PET scans can be wrong but they are the most accurate for my type of tumor, approaching 100%.

First - It now appears HBO2 is a really bad idea for treatment of Radiation Induced Necrosis (RIN) as HBO2 can grow new tumor from a single cell. We have abandoned the HBO2 idea altogether now. This information is confirmed by more than one source, although we are running down a source that states “You don't have to wait to be sure the tumor is all gone before starting HBO2 - it’s been shown conclusively that it does NOT promote tumor growth”. Then there is this statement "At present, it appears that HBO2 is the only treatment potentially capable of reversing brain RIN". We don’t know if this refers to damaged tissue that will die or tissue that is already dead.

Second - PET scans are not always 100% accurate. However, one source says they are, while another places accuracy in question. Sources agree GBM grade 4 (like mine) is most accurately discovered (88% to 100%). Since I have had two cold PET scans on the same area in the last month (03-03-2003) and again on 03-31-2003, the reasonable conclusion would be there is no tumor.

Third - The RIN process is not my biggest concern, tumor growth is. RIN is not like a fire. It appears to us that way because some tissue damaged by radiation takes longer to die off. The damage is already done, but not spreading and growing like a tumor in the traditional sense. RIN is usually self-limiting, tumors are not.

Fourth - Coumadin is used to treat RIN because it may slow the rate at which RIN tissue dies by increasing the blood flow and O2 levels to the damaged tissue. RIN can occur up to 9 years, but usually in the first 6 months, after radiation treatment.

Our plan is to follow Dr. Yung’s advice to the letter, placing our faith in him and allowing him to coordinate and manage my treatment. The current treatment plan includes:

1) continuing chemo
2)use of gamma knife for new tumors
3)continue with Coumadin.
4)Rely on Dr. Yung’s advice concerning HBO2 (which we do not know as of yet) after informing him of our HBO2 sources
5) Cautious use of Decadron to reduce and manage edema.

We will continue our research and stay informed of any new advances or treatment options. We will also continue to bring our questions and findings to Dr.Yung. We are very blessed that Dr. Yung is very open and not offended by our questions. He always responds well to our questions, is always ready to consider an option we find and explain his treatment advice; no one can really know everything. Our job is not to determine the best treatment, but to understand all the treatment options and choose the best option for us. Bottom-line, I am not a patient; I am a ResPat, which is a responsible participant.

If you think you are confused, you should be on this end.

One more item - since I have fallen two times now, I use a four prong cane to move around in the house and a wheelchair in public. My setback is related to the edema caused by RIN. One option is to greatly increase the Decadron to reduce swelling. There are pros and cons for this action. I remain upbeat, optimistic and happy. I listen to Bernie and I am exploring the meaning of the book of Genesis with a great friend of mine. Life is different for Audrey and I; but it is good as well. It will be interesting and exciting to see what God's plan is for me. As you know, I know the following to be true from my personal experience:

So, like chicken soup, HBO2 may not help, but apparently it will not hurt. If I think it will help, it probably will to some degree just through the power of suggestion. I know from experience that I respond well to the power of suggestion.

We are currently trying to determine cost and schedule of HBO2 treatments. By grace an HBO2 facility exists in Lufkin.

Personally I remain upbeat and optimistic, always trying to stay focused on what I can do as opposed to what I can’t do.

Chemo resumes on the 11th - with next MRI on May 5th.

PET Scans can be "cold" and one can still have a tumor. The term "cold" means no cell activity such as division is going on; cells in the brain do not divide and only cells (tumor) that are metabolically active would show up as a "hot" spot, theoretically. PET scans are just another diagnostic tool like the MRI. The only process to yield an absolute diagnosis is surgery.

Radiation Induced Necrosis (RIN) is a process whereby healthy cells damaged by radiation continue to die (usually within 6 months after radiation, but not always). Upon cell death, edema (swelling) results which impacts brain function significantly. RIN cannot be absolutely diagnosed except by surgery. Therefore, the edema causing my problems is the result of either a tumor or RIN. The only way to know for sure is surgery. The good news is edema can be tracked by an MRI. So we can see it grow or start to clear up. If RIN continues, the edema continues to grow and I get worse. Since I have had two cold PET scans within one month, the assumption is I have no tumor and my edema is RIN induced. PET scans are 89% to 100% accurate for diagnosing new GBM tumors. That is, PET scans are most accurate for GBMs. This is because GBMs grow very fast and PET scans reveal cell multiplication. Surgery is usually a last resort as it can cause a necrosis process as well. So you have surgery to learn it was RIN and not a tumor and then the surgery causes more necrosis. The advantage is surgery gets the tumor for sure if there is one. The disadvantage is surgery could leave me permanently paralyzed on my left side and cause necrosis.

So another option is to go after the possible tumor with chemo. But chemo has no guarantee to kill an existing tumor or prevent a new one. There are quite a few different chemos. If a tumor appears while on one chemo, you try another until you run out of all the low side effect chemos, then you can go to the heavy duty chemos that makes you feel like you have the flu all the time or where a side effect can stop your heart.

If a tumor can be fully distinguished on an MRI and is small enough, there are several gamma knife procedures as options. One is called stereotactic radiotherapy. The other is stereotactic radiosurgery. Both are radiation based and cannot be used on RIN or necrosis since radiation causes necrosis. The radiotherapy is more forgiving in that if the tumor has good brain cells they may survive, but so may some of the GBM cells. The stereotactic radiosurgery kills what’s there, tumor cells and good cells. It’s like surgery except without cracking the head open. The stereotactic radiosurgery is available in Shreveport, La. and on the East coast. MD Anderson does not have stereotactic radiosurgery; MD Anderson prefers to use the less aggressive stereotactic radiotherapy, and go after remaining GBM cells with chemo.

There is a process that does repair necrotic tissue in other parts of the body. It’s called Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy (HBO2) but is not commonly used for necrotic tissue in the brain. MD Anderson usually uses blood thinners to address brain necrotic tissue (RIN). There has been some confusion over HBO2 causing accelerated GBM growth, but this has been conclusively proven not to do so. Even though no one really knows if HBO2 helps brain necrosis. Both Duke University Medical Center and the University of Cincinnati have done some isolated testing. The Duke group had mixed results with hyperbaric oxygen therapy in GBM patients, but none appeared to have hastened their tumor's growth. The Cincinnati group has had a larger number of patients with CNS tumors, including many with GBM, who they have treated with hyperbaric oxygen. They found that, following the use of hyperbaric oxygen, many of their GBM patients 1) could reduce their dose of steroids; 2) showed measurable functional improvement; and 3) had improvement in their MRIs as regards edema and necrosis. They believe that the evidence pointing toward the preference of GBMs for a HYPOXIC environment suggests (but of course does not prove) that the tumors might regress during hyperbaric oxygen therapy!

To the best of my knowledge the above information is true.

Our plan is to:

1. Stay with current chemo protocol as directed by Dr. Yung. My cycle starts today and continues for 5 days.
2. Continue to take blood thinner as recommended by Dr.Yung to address what we assume is RIN and resulting edema.
3. Add HBO2 treatments to address what we assume is RIN and resulting edema. 90 minute dives, Mon through Fri from 1PM to 3PM, in Lufkin, Texas.
4. Plan for a follow up MRI the first of next month at MD Anderson.
5. Continue to place my life in the hands of Christ and continue to be positive.
6. Continue with PT/OT from 10am to noon on Mon, Wed and Fri. in Nacogdoches.
7. Continue Decadron to reduce edema - but at a very low dose.

---

Monday, April 14, 2003 - I had my first HBO2 treatment in Lufkin today. All the safety precautions were taken. I felt very comfortable and safe. I was surrounded by experts who monitored my entire treatment, not only from a medical perspective but also from a personal comfort perspective. I could not have asked for a better experience. I was very impressed by the process and the professionalism of the HBO2 team in Lufkin. I hope HBO2 helps my brain RIN as the Duke and Univ. of Cincinnati studies suggest it may, and also gives other docs and GBM patients in this locale a new treatment option.

Here are some pictures of me beardless and the shaving of the beard. Katherine has never seen me without a beard as I've had one since I was 21. Even beardless, she still claims me as her dad.

Just Before     During     Just After     After

Audrey says she has noticed increased movement in my leg, overall better balance, voice tone, and energy indicating to her the HBO2 treatments are helping. Of course, the May 5th MRI will be the official word.

The number one and most significant reason: The grace and love of Jesus Christ and HIS on-going plan for me. Each night I pray: "Jesus take my body and my soul and use them as you wish. Jesus, if you choose to do so, heal me and put me to work for you. God's will be done."

The number two and most next significant reason: Audrey and her constant personal sacrifice and love for me.

Other contributors to my survival:

1. Everyone that is praying for me, including friends, family, LCS programmers, LCS customers, my old customers like Thoroughbred Software, as well as those of you out there who pray for me that I have never even met. Thank You!

2. Wayne Magee (my old college roommate) and his extra spiritual guidance, friendship, and positive attitude.

3. The skillful hand of Dr. James Rose, my surgeon.

4. Steve Lasater, MD, my cousin for researching HB02 treatments as a treatment for RIN.

5. Michael Connolly, DVM who suggested O2 in the first place.

6. The knowledge, wisdom and openness of W.K. Alfred Yung, MD, my neuro-oncologist and his willingness to consider HB02 treatments for me.

7. Chemo

8. Bernie Siegel, meditation, and recognizing there is a body-mind connection.

9. All the encouraging emails I get from everyone.

10. The support and love of my sister, Margaret.

11. The support and love of my new brother Lewie Suttles and his wife, Jan.

12. A sugar free diet.

13. Dr. Read and his courage to treat a brain tumor patient using HBO2 treatments.

14. This web site and the attention it requires me to provide.

15. Dr. Bill Weber and his untiring visitations offering great patience, wisdom, advice and support.

16. Russell and Katherine and my desire to be here for them when they need a father.

When you are blessed at the level I am, you never really know all the blessings you have received. They are too numerous.

1. Is there evidence of new tumor growth?

2. Has the HBO2 treatments effected the onslaught of necrosis?

My prayer is that the HBO2 treatments have proven to either stop the spread of necrosis and/or somehow shown they are a positive treatment for RIN. If so, then perhaps other local GBM patients may have a treatment option for RIN based on my experience, an option that was not readily apparent for me. All initial indications are I am better. A definitive answer is impossible as RIN can stop on it’s own and the blood thinner I am taking is also a factor. The important point here is, HBO2 treatments may represent false hope at some level, but false hope should never be replaced by false no hope. GBM patients survive from one MRI to the next on hope, fortified by prayer and now maybe on HBO2 treatments. Patient attitude and the body-mind connection can be a powerful force that should never be totally discounted.

As far as me, I want to thank all those who have prayed for me, and opened up their hearts to me. Be assured your efforts have made a huge difference in my ability to fight this thing. All I can say is I love each and every one of you. I have not been on this journey alone. Besides Jesus Christ always standing beside me and holding me close, I can feel each of you trotting along as well. The love and support is an awesome experience.

Results of our next leg in the journey will be posted here tomorrow evening. If you signed up for email notification, you should get an email.

1. No new tumors.

2. Visible reduction in my edema and necrosis. It is hard for me to qualify a realistic amount of reduction, but Lewie and Audrey concur there is a reduction of at least 33% - maybe 50% in edema and overall size of necrotic area.

Are these results based on 15 HBO2 treatments? I think the positive results are based on a combination of things:

1. Each and every one of your prayers for me.

2. The grace and love of Jesus Christ and His plan for me.

3. Certainly the HBO2 treatments.

4. Keeping a positive outlook aided by the tremendous support I experience daily.

The current plan:

1. Continue to have faith in Jesus Christ and His plan for me.

2. Continue with chemo, another series this month.

3. Continue with HBO2 treatments, looking to complete a total of 40 treatments overall.

4. Continue to keep a positive attitude and listen to Bernie Siegel meditation tapes.

5. Begin work on helping others with GBMs and/or cancer. I have several projects in mind; including forming a brain tumor support group here in Nacogdoches.

6. Continue with PT/OT and working harder on home exercises for my left leg and shoulder.

7. 50% Reduction in decadron I am taking to reduce edema.

There is a simple and important lesson here. Even though I have been much less than a perfect human being this month, Jesus Christ continues to be with me providing the same three things He always has. He provides these unconditionally. I did not have to earn these three things through my actions and deeds this last month. They were given to me through His grace and love. He has to shown me through personal experience, the following:

1. HE loves me.

2. HE will always be there for me.

3. HE will always take care of me.

I will say the following:

My tumor is very deadly with 50% of patients expiring within the first 6 months after surgery. I am well into my 7th month with no new tumors as of last month. I am here today speaking with you because:

1. The grace and love of Jesus Christ. I have been blessed by Christ in ways that are truly remarkable. I know Jesus has much more work for me to do.

2. My wife, Audrey, of 21 years and her love and daily sacrifice for me.

3. A tremendous group of close friends, business associates and supporters who love me and continue to pray for me. I exemplify the recent research that prayer does work; even when the individual being prayed for is a stranger. I have lot of people praying for me; people I have never met.

4. The love, support and ongoing wise advice from my big sister, Margaret.

5. The love, support and Internet work from my brother in-law, who was recently promoted to brother, for all his efforts.

6. My doctors at MD Anderson who know I am not a patient; rather I am a respat (responsible participate).

7. My surgeon, James Rose, MD at The Methodist Hospital in Houston.

8. Bernie Siegel, MD and his audio tapes that explain how to be an exceptional cancer patient.

9. Details and more information is available at http://morris.lcsdg.com.

“I pray Jesus loves me enough to spare me from this suffering, by letting me come home.” As usual Jesus stepped in and answered my prayer with His solution not mine, reconfirming yet again the third point in my personal doctrine:

Jesus will take care of me.

Later that same day, I prayed for help.

This afternoon, Audrey, Katherine and I sat on the deck and talked. The air was cool, the weather comfortable, no misquotes. It was very pleasant. This scene has never happened before. Usually any attempt to sit on the deck in the evening is met with too hot for Audrey and/or Katherine and the mosquitoes make both of them run for the house. This afternoon it was as if Jesus arranged the meeting place and controlled the environment. The weather was uncommonly pleasant. Audrey and I talked openly and honestly about why we love each other. We explored each other’s good points as well as bad. We set out a plan to work better as a team. We were both rejuvenated.

Katherine and I agreed I would read the "The Great Gatsby" and we would discuss her latest paper she wrote for English based on the novel. There will be more novels, more discussions to come. Katherine and I will come to know each other.

This week I have an HBO2 treatment every day. I am going to work very hard on keeping a more than normal positive attitude this week and seriously listening to Bernie tapes. Next week, on the 9th and 10th of June, the MRI will reveal the score. Again, we want to see no new tumors and a reduction in RIN and edema. Next round of chemo, depending on current status, would begin on June 10th. I have not done as good a job of keeping a positive attitude this month, that is basically why I want the positive push this week. Lots of rest and happy thoughts for me. My sister and nephew are coming this week as well. I love them both, their visit will be a positive attitude boost for me.

Two treatment options remain:

1.Continue with chemo. Wait until September and check again.

2. Surgery, which will definitely leave me with total paralysis on my left side as well as memory deficits. Dr. Yung suggests #1 with surgery only if our hand is pushed.

All of this may be winding down. Even so, I intend to spend the next two months or what ever enjoying my life without being overly paranoid about falling or seizures. In fact, on the way home, we stopped for a restroom break. As I got out of the car, I fell on concrete and landed on my left hip. There was no harm done. No bruise, no pain. This morning I have no symptoms from the fall. From here on out, I intend to enjoy life and have as much fun as possible with Audrey and Katherine.

Focal point seizures are still a problem. They pop up if I am tired, stressed or hungry. Dr. Yung suggested increasing anti-seizure medicine to 5 dilantins a day (2 in the morning and 3 at night).

We plan on meeting with the radiation doc today to get his two cents on the subject.

Tuesday afternoon, Lewie, Jan, Katherine, Audrey and I went to the museum of fine arts in Houston. Katherine had a ball acting as tour guide as explaining all the paintings to us. It was a good time for all.

My mother used to live in Galveston. Audrey, Katherine, Russell and I would usually spend a week in the summer with her. As we drove around town, I was reminded of happier times. Made me sad to think those times were gone. I thought of the old song by the Byrds - "Turn!, Turn!, Turn!", with the lyrics:

To everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

Then I realized I should get busy making happy times.

Sardine Day Picture

I know what you are thinking... Morris has finally lost touch with reality. Actually this technique is what Bernie Siegel calls a body-mind image. This type of imagery is well defined in the Bernie Siegel VHS tape titled, ' Fight for Your Life'. The concept is the imagery sends live messages to your body-mind. This whole process felt stupid and failed to work for me until I envisioned Jesus on the team helping me. I will use every technique I know to get well.

I also went to dentist to get my teeth cleaned today. The dental hygienist was absolutely great. Audrey and I were concerned that the procedure would generate enough stress and pain to induce a seizure, so I took a full Xanax (1mg) beforehand.

I don’t think I needed the Xanax because I handled everything just fine. Afterwards, the Xanax side effects were in my way. Next time, no Xanax. Because of chemo it was suggested to have my teeth checked and cleaned every three months. Turns out chemo can make the gums swell and my gums are enlarged which can lead to more serious conditions.

After being at my computer for about 60- 90 minutes checking email, pgming, etc. I get very fatigued and have actually fallen asleep sitting up in my chair. At this point I usually have to take a nap or risk a seizure. Last trip to MD, I fell asleep at the restaurant with a shrimp hanging out of my mouth. The incident was very amusing. However in the last few weeks, I have had a couple of days where I noticed my stamina was better than usual.
I take a large amount of anti-seizure medicine each day. The side effects promote confusion and lack of short term memory. I have been trying to write a simple program just to see if I can. I always have to make a backup before each new session, as I am likely to really really mess up the code. I get so frustrated I could just scream. Usually I don't scream, I just cry. Then because of the risk of a seizure, I give up and try again later. If I ever get off Dilantin, I should be much better.

Lately my overall balance seems to be degrading. I fell going to the bathroom tonight, not bad, nothing harmed, but a fall depresses me greatly as it is an indication of a possible increased edema or a new tumor. Mainly a fall terrifies Audrey and the last thing I want to do is worry her.

Also, occasionally I bite my left lower lip when eating. Occasionally, I feel my left eyelid is drooping a bit. However, in the last few days these issues seem to have lessened.

When I take chemo, the side effects seem to be lasting longer and are more pronounced than the treatment before. My blood counts are more severely affected than the time before resulting in even more fatigue. I sleep more during a chemo regiment than I use to. New regiment of chemo starts in a few days. Next MRI is September 21-22.

I have a touch of left side neglect; a condition resulting from left side paralysis. Left side neglect is a condition where one tends to ignore things on the left. This is not a good thing for a programmer looking at a page of code on a monitor where small details make a big difference. Sometimes, I just don't see something I should see. I did get a new prescription for my glasses and I can see much better. However, I am developing cataracts in both eyes as a result of the HBO2 treatments. They are small at the moment and cataract surgery is not recommended at this point. I am told eventually cataract surgery will be necessary; but afterwards, my eyesight will be better than before HBO2.

Audrey and I go exercise every morning when I am the most fresh. I am no longer an official PT/OT patient. I am in a program called wellness. Audrey and I get to use all of the facility for a small fee each month. This is good because PT/OT was a big drain on my insurance. I suspect the PT/OT folks don't see much chance of me getting back to the level I had in January, and to continue to bill my insurance would be unethical.

In summary:

There is a lot of research ongoing and some of it is going to start paying dividends someday soon.

One big thing is individual targeted chemo. Individual targeted chemo is chemo designed for an individual's specific type of cancer - no more bad side effects like nausea and fatigue. Individual targeted chemo is built from the patient's DNA and doctors will be able to tell in one or two days if it is working. Individual targeted chemo only kills cancer cells leaving healthy cells unharmed. New drugs for lung cancer may be available in the
not to distant future.

One new drug has a 98% cure rate for CML and acute leukemia. In 5 years it will be the rule, not the exception, to survive leukemia. Someday the cut and radiate approach for dealing with cancer may become archaic. Lots of research into GBMs, bringing new low impact pill form chemo to the battle.

I have always said, a good long term plan is to stay alive long enough to let the medical technology catch up with your cancer. By 2015 expect remarkable progress, perhaps a cure for most cancers. Selenium and vitamin E reduce the chance of prostrate cancer by 67%, reduce the chance of lung cancer by 78%, and reduce the chance of colon cancer by 58%. A new drug, Roloxifene, is 25 % more effective than older stand by drug Tamoxifen for treating breast cancer.

I finished my round of chemo for this month on Sunday. I have been a little weaker and for the first time, slightly nauseated. Audrey thinks I have been eating too many rich foods and that has made the chemo side effects more traumatic. Still no evil sugar, but I have had too many fatty foods and not enough vegetables and fruit.

We go to MD on Monday for a new MRI. We meet with doctors on Tuesday. I don't know if I will ever get used to this game. I do not feel worse, nor do I feel better, so I am expecting the MRI to indicate little or no change from July, which would be OK by me. I have lost a slight bit of balance, and I seem to have lost the ability to grasp and hold objects in my left hand.

While we were gone Nina got sick and Katherine took her to Doc. Doc worked his magic and Nina is expected to be fine. She has an infection. She doesn't feel too great at the moment, but she is recovering. See Nina’s picture in the photo gallery, along with other pictures Lewie took at MD.

I think most of my current symptoms are related to chemo/radiation side effects and the anti-seizure medicine I take. Stats indicate 50% of the people with a GBM die within the first 6 months. Only 2% live one year, and yet here I am. I am smart enough to know luck has nothing to do with my being alive. Medical science is a major contributor even though medical science only gave me a 2% chance. The tireless, selfless efforts and the daily sacrifices of my loving wife Audrey are a primary reason I am still here. Audrey basically gave up her life and most of her sanity to save me. The support and love of my friends is a major contributor. The support and love of my sister and the prayer group efforts she organized is, of course, a major contributor.

However, the primary and absolutely the only reason I am alive is Jesus Christ wanted it to be that way. He has worked through Audrey, my doctors, my sister and my friends to save me. I am the one that should receive the least amount of credit. All I had to do was show up and accept the medical science, medicine, love, grace, sacrifice, and help provided to me.

On October 14th, I will be a 1 year GBM survivor. I have two birthdays now. In 1952, I started my first fifty years, a life without a GBM, a life with a 100% functioning left arm/leg and no health problems, a life with no regrets, and now I have another birthday that starts my life with a GBM and less than a 100% functioning left arm and leg.

My long term strategy and goal is to keep breathing until medical science comes up with a cure for GBMs. Given recent GBM research, this is a reachable and realistic goal. In the meantime, I’ll try to live each day to the fullest; being grateful for what I have and focusing on what I can do as opposed to what I cannot do. People will ask, “What did you do to survive. The answer is I did very little except keep living. I survived for one year because
God wanted me to survive and his son, Jesus Christ, was with me at each step. He shielded me from the anxiety and pain of surgery. He comforted me and taught me many lessons about love, grace and faith.

When I sought and fell into self-pity, He reminded me of my many blessings, pulled me up, and put me back on the path to recovery. He showed me a purpose for living. He showed me about being grateful for what I have by giving me a lot of my left arm and leg functions back and then taking them away again. Most of all, He loved me. Sometimes He showed me purpose. Sometimes He provided lessons to me through the actions of others. He showed me the things I thought were most important were many times the least important. He showed me I can trust my body and soul to Him and let Him worry for me.

Other factors that have helped me make it one year include my wife, Audrey. Audrey has had a hard time keeping her spirits up. She has given up her life to save mine. Many times she would give me her attention instead of giving her attention to Katherine. She has been faced with an overwhelming set of responsibilities, including dealing with insurance companies, finances, and car maintenance. Without Audrey, I would have never survived. Where my faith in Jesus took care of my emotional side, Audrey took care of all things in the physical world that made my recovery possible.