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My Advice If you think you are going to die, guess what? You are right. Everyone dies and it gets worse. You don’t even get to pick the time and place, unless you opt-out from life, which is never a good idea. If you think you may die sooner rather than later because of some silly thing like cancer, here is my advice. This is only my advice. I am not a psychologist or trained in this area. If you are a professional dealing with other people’s death on a daily basis, like hospice, and you see something in my advice that you think will harm people, let me know. I can only promise you, the following is honest and true based on my personal experiences. Face your mortality and move on. Consider what will happen at the moment of your death. If you are spiritual, work it out from that perspective. I am a Christian, but not everyone is. I recommend being a Christian, but I do not want to challenge your belief system. This is not the place. Once you have faced your mortality, move on; do not dwell on your death, facing it over and over again. You will go crazy in this loop. Don’t think too much. Find some inner peace with your death, and accept how it will be. For me personally, Christ will be by my side, guiding me. I will not be alone. I will be filled with a love and joy that is truly awesome. See my lesson named Sample for more insight. My death will be a glorious and joyous moment for me. Examine yourself and your life. Learn to love yourself. If there is a reason you cannot love yourself, find it, face it, deal with it and forgive yourself. See yourself as a gift to the world. You are worthy. This is a very important step. Bernie Siegel meditation tapes may help you here. Have the courage to contact all your friends and family and tell them you are sick, you love them and you need their help. Accept their help. You are worthy. You will have difficulty with this step unless you love yourself. Seek out old friends, reestablish contact with them, and tell them about your sickness. If you give an ounce of love, love comes back in gallons. However, if a friend shuts you off, understand they may be having trouble accepting your illness. They may have a personal circumstance that keeps them from wanting to get too involved. Understand, it is not your worthiness that is at issue. Always be up beat and keep a positive attitude, but share your feelings honestly. Keep a hopeful outlook. Do not dwell in self-pity. No one will want to talk to you if you are deep in self-pity. You desperately need friends to talk to. Even though you are the one that is sick, find a way you can help someone else. Give of yourself. Be open and share with strangers if they ask how you are. Don’t be afraid to tell your story. For example, Audrey and I have shared some lovely experiences with people in the MRI waiting room at MD Anderson. Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself. Tell jokes. Laughter puts everyone at ease. Learn to cope with your deficiencies. If there is a chance you can overcome some of your deficiencies, never give up trying. Take care of your caregiver. Realize they are under a lot of strain as well. Don’t whine and complain excessively to your caregiver. Try to find something nice you can do for them. Sometimes a hug and a simple thank you goes a long way. Don’t obsess about the little things that really don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Find a way to express your feelings. For example, keep a journal. This web site is my journal. A journal that I have chosen to share with the world. Throw away hate and hostility and replace them with love. Love everyone, focus on love. People are just people. Sometimes people act badly for reasons you will never know, but if you did know all the details, you would possibly at least understand their behavior. Find yourself a purpose for living. My 99-year-old great grandmother asked my grandmother “Why am I still here?” My grandmother replied quickly “To love and be loved.” Is there no greater purpose? Differentiate yourself to your doctors. To do this, I wear a t-shirt with this quote on it:
I ask each doctor to explain the last three lines to me. After a moment, I let them off the hook by saying "I couldn't get it either until my dilantin level became therapeutic." At the end of the doctor stuff, I explain I am a respat (responsible participant) instead of a patient and that the quote is better this way:
Next, I ask the doc for a hug. If the doc won't give you a hug, find a new doctor. I have yet to be refused a hug. |