Audrey

In June of 1981, my wife decided her life and my life would best be served by being divorced. She had some goals in her life that could not be met by being married. I was devastated. I was losing my family including my 3-year-old son. The divorce was very civil. We did not fight over stuff. A single attorney handled the whole process. I could see my son on weekends, etc.; the general arrangement.

One day while driving, I started to cry out loud. I was in horrible emotional pain. I screamed “Jesus, please send me someone to love that will love me. Jesus, send me someone to share my life with that I can take care of... a life partner, Jesus. Please, I begged again.”

Jesus must have reconfirmed that it is not good for man to be alone. At least this man. That night, I went to a party I had been invited to and was casually introduced to a young woman named Audrey. We only met briefly. Audrey was attending the local university and had just ended a six year romance with her high school sweetheart. I was working for the same local university as a programmer. I was 6 years older. Later in the week, Jesus arranged another meeting. As I was walking out of the town’s popular watering hole, Crossroads, Audrey was walking in. We met by chance in the doorway of Crossroads and acknowledged we knew each other from the party the other night. Seconds either way we would have missed each other. I followed Audrey back in and we partied with her friends. Later that same night after Crossroads closed, we went to a coffee shop to eat and talk. I think at that coffee shop we knew something special had happened. Jesus had sent me someone to love and provide for that would always love me back.

In December, 1981, we were married. Even though I had only been divorced for a few months, I was not worried or concerned in the least about marrying Audrey. Somehow I just knew she was a gift from Jesus, a gift that came with responsibilities. My friends thought I was nuts to even consider remarrying so soon, until they saw Audrey and I interact.

I am such a blessed man. Jesus sent me my soul mate. I don't think everyone finds his or her soul mate.

Since the tumor Audrey has not left my side, almost literally, has not left my side. She would almost climb in the MRI with me. At the National Brain Tumor Conference, I attended a men only group. The chairperson had to ask Audrey to leave the room. She went, but only after a slight protest.

We have had our moments when she is tired and the drugs make me irritable, but our love and respect for each other always quickly prevails. I have to survive this tumor thing; I have to take care of my gift.

Audrey has the harder job of dealing with my brain tumor. She keeps up with all the medicines and doctors, does Internet research, distributes reports / films to all the docs, packs us for trips, drives, follows up on all appointment schedules, cooks, cleans, helps me exercise, washes clothes, handles the finances, feeds the weenie dog, makes our daughter feel special, works with the insurance companies, makes sure I am always comfortable, makes sure I do not fall and be there when I do, listens to me whine and the list goes on and on. All I have to do is have the tumor. That’s easy.

If that is not enough burden, Audrey’s Mom has cancer as well.

I do not know how she does it. I try to help where I can and she will let me help. I must find ways to help more.

Audrey is so full of love, it pours out the top. No one is a stranger. Everyone that needs a hug gets a hug. She is slow to anger and quick to forgive, never judgmental or condemning. Always does her best. Never gives up on anything or anyone. She is the best human being I know. I am sure GOD is proud of her. I am proud of her. Thank you Jesus for giving me Audrey, my soul mate.

The Church of Christ convinced Audrey at a very tender age she is going to hell and that GOD is mostly a judge with a big stick. As a result, Audrey does not believe GOD loves her. She simply believes HE only judges her. Audrey believes heaven is earned by actions and following the very specific rules taken from scripture. Audrey figured out early on she could never, ever be perfect and follow all the rules, so she quit trying and quit accumulating the guilt for failing to be the perfect, smart, courageous girl, my Audrey. However, GOD frightens her horribly. She sees HIM as an unloving GOD with a big stick ready to strike her down for not following the rules. She deals with this by ignoring the issue.

I want Audrey in heaven with me and, even more importantly, when she faces her mortality I want her to have a rock to stand on as I have. This tumor has given me a shot at that for which I am very grateful. Somehow I must help Audrey to simply consider the following may be possible, regardless of what the Church of Christ authority figure convinced her of when she was young.

1) GOD does love her.
2) Jesus Christ is her savior.
3) No man can ever be perfect.
4) It is possible for her to have a loving personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
5) Heaven is a gift that is neither earned nor deserved.

When the last MRI came back inconclusive, indicating a new tumor may be present, a PET scan was done to confirm. Audrey offered GOD a challenge. If the PET scan showed no tumor, Audrey would consider that the grace and love of GOD had been shown and would pray with me a prayer of thanks.

The PET scan showed no tumor. For the first time in our 21 years of marriage, Audrey and I got on our knees together and praised God’s grace. I cried. Audrey sighed. Baby steps.

There is much more going on here than a man with a brain tumor.